Sunday, August 29, 2010

Time is short

I'm afraid my time is growing short. I can feel the cancer getting larger in my lower liver section. This, however, is not a time for mourning but a time for rejoicing. No longer will I be burdened with the daily grind, the out of control society, the hatred and anger her on earth, but I'll be in the hands of the Lord where it is peaceful, loving and perfect. Oh how wonderful this will be! I'll do my best to stick around here as long as I can to help comfort the wife and children, but I've gotten to the point that I'm almost anxious to welcome death as sweet relief and a joyous beginning.

I Corinthians 15:54-57:
54 Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die,this Scripture will be fulfilled:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.
55 O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

56 For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. 57 But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Calming down a little

Well I'm calming down a little after figuring out that the medication just needed to be adjusted a little to help deal with the sickness after treatment. We'll find out in a couple weeks if the new treatment is doing any good or not. The prognosis is not good but if it gives me a few more months with my family, it'll be worth it.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Is it worth it?

I'm beginning to understand why a lot of folks refuse chemotherapy. I was just starting to feel a little better and then this morning woke up with my stomach feeling like there were two forces doing battle in there. I don't know if it's going to be worth gaining a few months of life if I have to be sick all the time. I'm just pondering and praying about it. What would God have me do? Do I hang onto life at all costs or just let Him do whatever it is He's going to do? I'm not sure I have the answer to this one. I know my wife wants me to fight it for all I'm worth but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. At some point we just have to say "that's enough" and let God take it I think. But just when and where is that point? Man.. I need to do a lot more praying and see if He'll give me the answer.

Hope I'm not bringing anyone down. I'm just SO tired of the battle. Even the best generals have to retreat sometimes. Just trying to figure out when that time might be.